Uncle Jesse’s favorite game of all time is a creepy retro game

Two guys walking around with boners?

It is December, and the news has been mostly slow. I decided to do what any responsible reporter would do and ask John Stamos, aka Uncle Jesse from Full House, aka the guy that was better than Clooney on ER, what his favorite video game of all time is. Surprisingly, he answered.

Atari 2600: Sneak n’ Peek https://t.co/5Blpa76vCj

— John Stamos (@JohnStamos) December 3, 2015

Sneak ‘n Peek for Atari 2600? A game that I’m surprised I’ve never heard of, but boy am I glad I have now. Just look at this screenshot and try to tell me what exactly is going on.

If the little nub below their heads is supposed to be their arms, then what exactly is the longer curved line just below? I know what you’re thinking — “There is absolutely no way those are their penises” — but I refuse to believe otherwise. 

After watching the following footage of the game, I still have no idea what it is about. To me, it appears like some guy breaks into another guy’s house at night and then just kind of sneaks around in silence while sporting a raging erection.

I decided I better do some journalism and dig deeper, so I turned to the best search engine on the face of the planet, Bing, and located Sneak ‘n Peek‘s manual. 

Sneak’n Peek is a one or two player hide and seek game designed to be played
on the Atari Video Computer System or the Sears Video Arcade. There are
four variations of the basic game and two levels of difficulty to increase
your enjoyment and test your skill.

Sneak’n Peek is played in and around a spooky old house with a large yard
and three weird rooms. Each room, including the yard, is a separate scene:

– a living room
– a pink bedroom
– a blue bedroom
– the yard

So it isn’t one of the Atari 2600’s various porn games but instead, a glorified hide-and-seek game that takes place in a spooky old house with weird rooms like the living room, and a pink bedroom. Spooky.