You don’t have to be gifted with heightened perception to realize that we, the gaming consumers, are little more than bodies to be harvested by videogame publishers. We are neither liked nor respected, yet we remain as loyal and subservient to our game supplying masters as ever, nothing but trained Labradors at a Dog Show. Only with slightly less power.
Publishers know that they can do whatever they like and we will allow them to get away with it, either through a lack of willpower or the general apathy that seems to surround the gamer demographics. We take whatever they dish out because we know no other course, thus publishers will continue to do as they please with little retaliation.
But even among we wretched souls, there are those that sink even lower. While many may kick their heels and sometimes attempt to resist, there are those in the gamer demographic so beaten down, so drained of will, that they are little more than battered wives. Their tormentors have taken absolute liberties, yet these miserable creatures continue to enable the transgressions, supporting their own downfall. They are indeed the battered wives of the gaming world, so read on to find out who they are. Oh, and ignore any black eyes, they just walked into a door …
MMO Players:
We all know that videogames are expensive, and publishers will do whatever they can to squeeze as much cash from their consumers as possible. However, there is no gamer more fleeced than an MMO gamer. Be it World of Warcraft, Everquest, or one of the many millions of games that have tried to capitalize since, an MMO is for life, not just for Christmas — especially where one’s wallet is concerned.
You pay full price just for the privilege of owning an MMO, before being expected to pay further increments to be able to play it. To put it in perspective, it’s like paying $5.00 for a hamburger, then paying $1.00 for every bite you take.
It’s true of course, that you are also continuing to pay for a service that is being maintained, but MMO developers won’t leave it there. They are insidious, tempting players to stay with extra treats and highly addictive gameplay. We’ve all seen how, in extreme conditions, MMO players can become slaves to Blizzard and others of their ilk. Like drug dealers, they draw you in with a free hit, encouraging you to get deeper and deeper until you’re hooked, before hitting you with the cost. By that time, you’re already theirs, and they can do with you as they please. You know you need to get out, but you’re already trapped. You look for an escape, you ween yourself off, you even go cold turkey …
And then they hit you with an expansion pack.
Xbox 360 owners:
I don’t think any console has been the source of more bullshit this generation than the Xbox 360. Before the 360 came along, console gaming was simple. You put a disc in your machine, picked up a controller, and played. Then Microsoft kicked the doors in and ruined everything with costly online subscriptions, overly complex licensing issues, inconvenient offline multiplayer and, of course, some of the most rancid and pathetic hardware on the market.
For a console with so many issues, you’d think their customer service would be efficient and helpful, but no. Many reports of ineptitude and outright rudeness infest the Internet, to which I can lend my own experience of sarcastic and clueless representatives.
Then there is the famous “red ring of death.” A fitting name, as just like death itself, it is something that comes to us all with no chance of escape. The famous red lights that signify the death of an Xbox is something that has become an inevitability for all Xbox customers, to the point where many gamers fear turning their machines on. Not even the PlayStation 2, with its well-known problems, made people afraid to even use it.
The 360 has, in many ways, wrecked the console gaming experience for many people. Sowing fear and causing huge regular inconvenience, it is the antithesis of everything a console should be. However, we let Microsoft get off the hook time and time again, when any sensible consumer would have abandoned such garbage long ago. Unfortunately, Microsoft has a lot of videogames to its name, despite having a console that struggles to play them.
Thus we will just keep replacing our electronic sarcophagi and MS can claim it “shipped another console” on reports.
Sonic fans:
No mascot is more tragic than Sonic the Hedgehog. Once he commanded the loyalty and respect of millions of gamers everywhere, now he has only the confused, the psychotic and the embittered defending his name. Unfortunately, I count myself among their diseased ranks, making your humble author no better than anybody else on this list.
Sonic fans are simply incredible with their willingness to invest hope in every new Sonic game that comes along, even though Sonic Team proves time and time again that it actually doesn’t know how to make a good videogame. The problem is impacted by the fact that Sonic Team is as good at creating trailers as it is bad at creating games. This is the team that was able to make Shadow the Hedgehog look like a good videogame. That’s impressive.
Unfortunately, it’s enough to dupe hundreds of saps into believing that each new Sonic game will be the one that is a “return to form” for Sega’s ailing hedgehog. With each attempt to bring Sonic kicking and screaming into relevance, his loyal followers ignite false hope and become certain that this time their vigil will be rewarded. This time, the hedgehog is back. But it doesn’t happen. And Sonic fans have only themselves to blame.
“Core” Wii owners:
It’s one thing to be taken advantage of. It’s quite another to be taken advantage of and then laughed at. However, this is something that happens to old school Nintendo fans on a regular basis, thanks to Nintendo of America being run by a bunch of dicks.
NoA continues to string along its loyal fanbase, despite the fact that everybody knows they care more about soccer moms and pensioners. Nintendo has a new, far more lucrative demographic and that’s fine — what’s slightly less fine is the fact that they persist in playing with the minds of the ones they left behind. Whether it’s Shigeru Miyamoto trying to convince us that Wii Music and Wii Fit are videogames, or the endless promises that “core” games are in the works, NoA won’t simply admit that they’re seeing someone else and would rather break things off.
As if that wasn’t bad enough, Nintendo has been downright insulting to its fans, quite publicly laughing at those who supported the company back when it was an industry joke. Reggie Fils-Aime is the worst offender, practically baiting people with accusations of “insatiability” among the hardcore demographic, or insisting that we should have been satisfied with the announcement of Animal Crossing: City Folk at the 2008 E3 press conference.
Oh and let’s not forget, only “geeks and Otaku” care about a hard-drive for the Wii.
I believe that Nintendo of Japan has its head screwed on and is actually good to its fans, but Nintendo of America has been disrespectful and patronizing for the past year. Unfortunately, Nintendo loyalists lap it up and still defend their masters, despite the fact they are being laughed at and painted as little more than insignificant relics.
PAL gamers:
Europe and Australia have to put up with a lot of crap. A lot of crap. Back before the Internet, we never really noticed quite how badly we got shafted, but as the World Wide Web turns every industry into a global market, we get to see quite blatantly what an afterthought the PAL region is to many publishers.
Admittedly, it’s gotten better. Most of the good games this generation have come from Western developers, who are actually competent when it comes to worldwide launches. However, Japanese publishers can be absolutely horrible when it comes to releasing games in Europe and Australia, and then they have the gall to try and fight imports.
Some of the waiting times are absolutely ludicrous, ranging anywhere from a month to a year for a game to launch. In the case of the original Animal Crossing, Nintendo sat on its arse for two years before allowing Europe the honor of purchasing the GameCube game.
Then there’s the price. Due to both taxes and a sneaky mark up on the part of the publisher, we are expected to pay far more after waiting a lot longer. In the case of one game, shockingly not from Japan, we not only waited almost a year from release, but were expected to pay almost as much as a Wii for the bloody thing. That game was, of course, Rock Band.
Yet people paid. Not only did they pay, they were thrilled to do so. I had arguments with people who were getting giddy over the release of an inexcusably late, unbelievably expensive Rock Band. PAL gamers accept so much shit and seem more than happy to pay through the nose for their trouble.
And that’s the problem, not just with European gamers, or even the others on this list, but with all of us. We’re marks, plain and simple. We’re served steaming dollops of creamy shit and we merrily gulp it down with the biggest spoon we can find. The only way it will change is if we vote with our wallets and stop justifying publishers, but that will never happen. We are too weak for that.
There is no happy message here. You’re fucked, and so am I.
