South Park: Phone Destroyer is now available and ready to insult Native Americans

Let’s kill Kenny

If you forgot South Park: Phone Destroyer was a thing, you’re probably not alone.

Announced during Ubisoft’s E3 presentation, we haven’t heard a blip about it since the reveal. A few weeks ago it was added to Google Play’s upcoming games list and today you finally have the chance to download it on iOS and Android. The app is Free-to-Play and I expect many well-written pieces contrasting the microtransactions found here to those South Park famously railed against in the classic episode “Freemium Isn’t Free.”

I have played it for all of ten minutes and so far it’s enjoyable. Phone Destroyer is like other card-based action games found on mobile. You play as the new kid who is always on his phone, called into action by Cartman during a game of Cowboys vs. Indians. Judging by the artwork released so far, that motif will quickly be dropped for costumes and cards that span sci-fi, pirates, fantasy and more.

Each card in your deck has an energy cost and there is an ever-filling energy meter at the bottom of the screen that will let you put new cards into play. Only one type of card can be in play at a time, so no doubling up on Sheriff Cartmans. Cards have different classes including tanks, ranged, and assassin, filling the generic RPG roles we should all be accustomed to by now. Your customizable avatar acts as the home base and if you run out of HP, it’s game over. The gameplay is fun, quick and runs well on my mid-tier phone. Players can either compete against one another in PVP or challenge the AI in the campaign.

Of course, the best thing about South Park is the writing. Even in my brief time with the game there have been some lines that had me genuinely laughing. There’s also a bunch of politically incorrect comments on Native Americans that shouldn’t surprise anybody. It’s a South Park game, we all know what we’re getting into here.

Phone Destroyer requires a consistent internet connection and from what I’ve experienced so far it better be a strong one. When I opened a free pack of cards my connection dropped or glitched or something and I wasn’t able to claim them. Guess that means I’ll be deleting the app and reinstalling it later when I’m not in the signal crushing void known as my office.