Rocket League players have scored 29 billion goals and oh my god will someone play defense

[Spams ‘What a save!’]

Rocket League turns five this month, the age where children go to kindergarten and start playing Fortnite. In that time, every person on earth has scored four Rocket League goals — or so the averages say.

Psyonix released some big-ass Rocket League numbers and it seems that 29 billion goals have been scored (not in one match). Defense wins championships! Sounds like everyone needs to work on their back-post rotations and stop ball-chasing like a mindless idiot. Not everyone can be big-brained enough to hire a coach like I did.

But, to be fair, all those goals come across 5 billion matches from 75 million lifetime players. Those numbers will swell drastically if Rocket League eventually goes free-to-play as been long-rumored ever since Epic bought Psyonix.

In other lighthearted news, Psyonix has added the following Octane decal to the item shop today. The irony of your toxic teammate berating you while wearing a classy tux is enough to make your head explode.

Rocket League’s 2020 Infographic: Five Years and Counting [Rocket League]