Know what’s a great idea? A Contra remake for iOS

EVOLUTION

A few months ago, Chinese developer PunchBox Studios unleashed upon the Asian market Contra: Evolution, an iOS remake of the original NES classic that adds touch controls, in-app purchases, and high-definition graphics. Konami saw fit to bring the title out West, thus it appeared on the US App Store yesterday.

Since this sounded like the best idea in the world, I decided to pay the paltry $0.99 and give it a quick whirl.

After an exhaustive three-minute session, I’ve condensed my thoughts into the following review:

FUCK.

NO.