If you’re European, have a PS4, and know what the hell Crossminton is, you’re in luck

Also, shuttlecocks

While I do own a PS4, I’m neither European, nor do I know what the hell “Crossminton” is. But still, only being 1/3 qualified to give a shit about this game hasn’t stopped my thirst for knowledge. Not carnal knowledge, nor knowledge as a means of self-improvement. No, my parched desires can only be sated by the knowledge of weird shit existing for no reason other than to exist.

E-Crossminton is the nourishing elixir to wet my dried, cracking lips.

According to the absolutely no research I just did, crossminton is a mix of badminton, tennis, squash, and extreme boredom. Players hit a heavier variation of a shuttlecock at one another to try to score points. There is no net, so the game can be played pretty much anywhere that has enough space for you to do something fun, instead.

Because man has fallen from the grace of God, there is now an official crossminton video game! Spanish indie studio Daydream Software has bestowed us with E-Crossminton, the first licensed video game to feature the semi-popular sport in all its alleged glory. Produced in association with the International Crossminton Organization (Oh my god this is a very real entity), this game features all the thrilling excitement of the sport without any of the risks, such as your mom yelling at you for coming home with your nice trousers dirty again. When will you learn?

Would you believe me if I told you that 26 countries in the world are recognized to have heard of crossminton? Would you try to call my bluff if I told you there were at least 20 professional players, and I know that because this video game has licensed their likenesses? Would you be all that surprised if this game featured a mini-game where you had to walk around giant, falling balls? This is all very real.

E-Crossminton falls into an odd category for me. It’s not weird enough to be featured in any sort of weird games roundup, but it is just dumb enough to warrant some sort of discussion. So on this, World Crossminton Day (yes, it’s very real), get together three of your best friends, collectively say, “Fuck it, we’ve got nothing better to do,” and give crossminton a chance… but only if you’re in Europe.

E-Crossminton is available for £11.99, exclusively for European PS4 players.