Fauxlusive: Nookling Junction dumps Trump

Dumpster behind store now super classy

Trump, the Republican frontrunner for the 2016 Presidential nomination, has had a bit of a rough week after NBC and Macy’s both parted ways with the reality TV star in light of comments he made about illegal immigrants. Today there was more bad news as Timmy and Tommy Nook announced they will be dropping the Trump brand from all Nookling Junction locations.

In a statement released to the press, the Nooks said their company stands for diversity and would not tolerate comments Trump made about frogs.

We are disappointed and distressed by recent remarks about frogs made by Mr. Trump. We at Nookling Junction do not believe the ridiculous stereotype that frogs do nothing all day but get high licking one another. This type of hurtful, hackneyed cliché does not portray an accurate picture of the many frogs who have made valuable contributions to society; like Puddles, Frobert, and Michigan. We’re also not keen on him referring to Resetti as a worthless piece of shit. In light of these statements, which are inconsistent with our values, we have decided to pull his ugly and highly-flammable merchandise from store shelves.

Trump hit back at the Nooks during a stump speech, calling them “classless bozos who sell crap so cheap even one of those rapey Mexicans wouldn’t shop there.” Trump ended the speech by signing checks for all the actors he paid to play his supporters for the afternoon.