Expos?: Shinobi and Ninja Gaiden protagonists not really ninja

You heard it here first — only on FoxToid. Joe Musashi, lead in Sega’s Shinobi series of videogames, and Ryu Hayabusa, protagonist of Tecmo’s Ninja Gaiden series are both living a lie. Neither have undergone Ninjitsu training.

“I tried to go on as long as I could,” said Hayabusa, who also stars in other Tecmo titles, like fighter Dead or Alive. “You can only live a lie for so long, and it was only a matter of time before I was found out.”

We caught Hayabusa last week while was working a part-time job at the Alexandria, Louisiana Corn Dog 7 location. He was a bit difficult to recognize in his rainbow colored apron and hat.

“They contacted me in the late 1980’s to be the image person for their games,” Hayabusa admits. “They had some kooky weaboo-ish ninja wannabe they wanted to use for the real action stuff, but they needed a Japanese face for the covers and whatnot. I was poor and needed the money — what can you do?”

Hayabusa admits that he has been accepting money from Tecmo for some years to keep quiet about this situation. He also adds that the Dead or Alive girls are genuinely “stacked like that” and he regrets fondling Kasumi at a company mixer last fall. He wishes she would answer his calls.

While Shinobi star Joe Musashi wouldn’t speak with FoxToid, his long-time neighbor gave us the real details on his life.

“He’s one of them sickos, you know,” says neighbor/pop star Hannah Montana. “I always catch him looking in my windows. Oh, and he also reads those videogame Web sites and has a beer gut. One time I saw him hanging from his ceiling upside-down while watching one of those porno cartoons. I think he’s registered as a sex offender in our city.”