Say what you will about wanting your videogame press-type folks to be objective, I don’t think now is the time for me to even feign objectivity — I want Epic’s and People Can Fly’s Bulletstorm, and I want it now. I want it streamed into my system intravenously. I have three cats and I’m going to rename them all “Bulletstorm” starting now. You get where I’m going with this.
I knew that we were going to have a “thing” going after I played it at E3 earlier this year. The promise of being able to kick a man into a cactus or get points for doing something called a “Gang Bang” was fully realized, much to my pleasure. At gamescom this year, Epic’s Tanya Jessen came out and start blathering on about how there’s a new weapon that will allow you to literally melt faces or something. Melt. Faces. Then it happened: I fell in love.
So look, Epic and People Can Fly — don’t f**k this one up. Because I’m putting my ass on the line here by slobbering all over this game, I only have so many veins to tap, and I’m confusing the s**t out of my cats. Don’t let me down.
Bulletstorm is out next year for PlayStation 3, Xbox 360, and PC.
