I’m bad at PUBG so I’ll just be the loot mule

I’ll do the heavy work, they’ll do the hard work

Friends, I know my deficiencies. I never learned to ice skate. I’m off-puttingly handsome. I can’t do the worm. These are my burdens to bear, and I’ll do so with a smile on my face.

Also, I’m not super great at PUBG — except for that one time I won the whole dang game for us. Jordan and Ray are the superior Video Game Players. (They can also both do the worm and I think there’s maybe a correlation between the two.) As such, I know my role and I shut my mouth.

Loot mule! I’ll gladly haul around all the ammo and attachments and energy drinks while those dudes do the dirty work. With a gun in my hands, I’m nothing but a liability. With a scope in my sack, I’m a team player. Real lunch pail, blue collar, hard-workin’ kind of role player. That’s the grit the D-Team needs.

Here’s the first look at me as a pack alpaca. Fortunately, Jordan captured video so it’s more exciting than just me picking things up. This run probably would’ve went even better if Steven parachuted anywhere near our landing zone (but, as the Kermit meme goes, that’s none of my business).