Balrog 1, Olympics 0

Video games are right, protective headgear is bad, actually

I had me some asthma as a kid. Nothing too major. I was able to run, jump, and play sports as kids are wont to do. But I did land in the emergency room twice with a case of not being able to breathe (both times triggered by a severe onset of dust/pet allergies). So young me decided smoking was probably something I should stay away from, already a victim of Bad Lungs.

Young me was an idiot moron because smoking makes you look incredibly cool. Maybe if Young Me knew I was doomed to the pale skin, pajamas-all-day, generally squishy life of a stay at home blogger, he would’ve taken up the habit to try and offset the aforementioned. Maybe then Current Me wouldn’t use words like “aforementioned” and would instead be busy laying pipe without ever taking off his leather jacket.

But looking cool has won a major victory this week at the 2016 Rio Olympics, as the International Boxing Association has decided to let its (male) boxers fight without that goofy-ass headgear. It turns out the helmets may actually be dangerous, sapping practitioners of a cool sport (violence!) of their elan vital by making them look less cool whilst punching the shit out of one another. The protective helmets may also lead to MORE brain damage, or something.

There isn’t enough data for anything definitive, but enough to lose the padding, so for the first time since 1984 (can I get a 1776!), Olympic boxers are allowed to be cool again. Only the men, though. The women are still wearing cushioned hats because there’s not enough data. But women are the only people who should wear hats anyways (besides cute old men, who shouldn’t box) so it’s not a big deal.

And so here we are. Video games, formerly demonized in the media for their dangerous portrayal of boxers sans headgear from Punch-Out to Wii Sports to Balrog to that kangaroo in Tekken with the boxing gloves, versus the Olympics, a beloved and “wholesome” event that ravages poor areas and leaves derelict Olympic cities in its wake every four years so people can watch competitive horse ballet and other dumb-assed equestrian sports. One of these things has fostered an uncool culture with helmet-wearing propaganda that might lead to increased risk of brain injury. The other is video games. Hopefully all 100 million Wii owners played enough Wii Boxing to reverse the calamitous affects of the Olympic games.

Why Olympic Boxers Aren’t Wearing Headgear Anymore [Wired]