Honest Kickstarter details exactly how it’ll waste your money (Fauxclusive)

See how every penny is mismanaged

Following allegations of behind-the-scenes financial misconduct with the crowdfunded Ant Simulator game, the team behind a newly-launched Kickstarter campaign is now promising complete transparency with how it will ultimately blow the tens of thousands of dollars it’s asking for.

Francis Madoff, COO of Portland based Betrug Games, believes too many potential contributors are turned off by stories of funds being secretly mishandled and projects being canceled. Madoff says his company has learned from the mistakes of others and will be completely open about how investments are mishandled.

“We want to make sure potential backers know exactly what they’re getting into before they give us their hard-earned money,” Madoff explained. “That’s why our campaign makes it clear we have no intention of delivering a product, and will instead just blow your money faster than a hobo that just won the lottery.”

Betrug Games’ project page goes into great detail about how funds raised in the campaign will be used on cool shit, like booze, drugs, and prostitutes; plus less-than-cool shit like Flo-Rida concert tickets and hover boards. The page also gives the background on each Betrug Games employee, detailing how they’ve foolishly wasted money in the past. Examples of this include donating to the Jeb Bush Super PAC, buying Google Glass, and getting four-year degrees from the University of Phoenix.

“Too many Kickstarters are run by amateurs,” said Madoff. “But when you read our about our project and staff, you’ll see there is not a group more experienced in financial delinquency than us.”

For those interested in donating to the campaign (which hopes to raise $500,000), there are plenty of backer rewards available. The lowest tier is just five dollars and will net you a crushed beer can from one of the ragers Betrug Games plans to throw with your money.

The most expensive tier will set you back $10,000. For that tidy sum, you’ll receive a mirror the team used to snort cocaine with, as well as a personalized thank you note from a stripper whose college tuition you’ll be paying for one dollar bill at a time.